Was the movie you just saw any good?

At the end of the movie, did the entire cast sing a song and dance together? If so, then the movie was bad. Guaranteed.*

And don't say, "But hey, what about--?" No. It was bad. And if you liked it anyway, like how I kinda liked "Balls of Fury" for it's satire of stereotypical kung-fu movies, then you liked a bad film. Live with it.

* This guarantee does not necessarily extend to musicals or movies that are about singing and/or dancing. And it's not necessarily fair to use the guarantee on films for which you are not the intended audience. For example, adults may justifiably rule against "High School Musical" movies automatically, but that's not really fair.

Movie Expectations

What preconceptions you hold going into a film can greatly influence how much you appreciate it. For example, I thought "Get Smart" was going to suck. I was pleasantly surprised. Its suck was less than my expectations, regardless of how it compares to the Hollywood's mean suckage. In fact I kinda liked it. Now I have to wonder, did I really like it or did it just suck less than anticipated?

I can break down more recent and future films for you as follows:

• I expect "Transformers 2" to suck. I know it's already out, but I haven't seen it yet.
  
• I expect all future Pixar movies to suck. (They'll never top "Finding Nemo".)
  
• I expect "G.I. Joe" to suck so bad that it might actually blow. I will probably never watch it, not even years later if it's on TV late at night and I have insomnia and have lost the remote.
  
• I expect "District 9" to be a let down, but not necessarily suck.
• I expect "Inglorious Basterds" to be aight, in the same way that "Rock-N-Rolla" was aight, where after watching it you wonder why they made it.
• I expect "G-Force" to really, really suck. It should suck to the point where history tries to forget it, and intelligent extra-terrestrials shun our planet for another decade just for having made it.
  

If any of these movies are slightly better than those pre-view-reviews, then you might just find me recommending them on my blog. Watch out for posts titled, "G.I. Joe Sucked But Didn't Blow" (I may watch it, ya never know).