Matt Damon!

Matt Damon can act, when he wants to. But I don't envy his position in this new Bourne movie, The Bourne Ultimatum. The main reason for that is because the poster for it (as seen on buses around Toronto) makes him look like he's drunk.


But I have a theory about those posters. It's probably not an accident he looks drunk. In the previous movies it was already revealed that his character is aware of his mysterious past. Thus, there's no point for another movie, right?

WRONG.

In this next exciting thriller, Jason Bourne gets so drunk that he once again forgets who he is! The rest of the movie is comprised of Bourne stumbling around with a gun puking on people while trying to find the keys to some girl's car (he has to destroy at least 1 car per movie, there's a quota). At the climax of the movie, he starts sobering up and coming to a realization of who he is, but is so horrified when he remembers how he acted while drunk that he figures the only way to erase what he did is to start drinking again until he forgets it all. Stay tuned for The Bourne Inebriation.

When Smokey Sings

"When Smokey sings
I hear violins!
When Smokey sings
I forget everything!
As she’s packing her things
As she’s spreading her wings
The front door might slam
But the back door it rings
And Smokey sings... he sings!"

This song is confusing. First of all, since the singer never mentions what "Smokey" he's singing about, it isn't clear if Smokey is a guy or a girl. As a child I thought I was mishearing the lyrics, but I heard this song again recently and found out that I wasn't mishearing them at all.

And why is it, when Smokey sings, he [the singer] doesn't hear singing instead of violins?

And is Smokey such a bad singer that he actually forgets everything? If the singer forgot everything, did he have to relearn speech (in English) so that he could even sing about Smokey's singing? Or does he just forget everything for the duration of the song?

Perhaps it's only while Smokey Robinson is actually singing that everything is forgotten, so that as he finishes each verse he instantly remembers everything only to forget it when Smokey opens his mouth again. If so, that's quite a power to have over people. Can you imagine Smokey walking into a jewelery store and just talking non stop while walking out with all the diamonds. After that the police would ask witnesses, "So what happened?" to which the average reply would be, "What happened when?" Now that is a singer whose singing is worth singing about.

Conclusion: That song is silly.