Matt Damon!

Matt Damon can act, when he wants to. But I don't envy his position in this new Bourne movie, The Bourne Ultimatum. The main reason for that is because the poster for it (as seen on buses around Toronto) makes him look like he's drunk.


But I have a theory about those posters. It's probably not an accident he looks drunk. In the previous movies it was already revealed that his character is aware of his mysterious past. Thus, there's no point for another movie, right?

WRONG.

In this next exciting thriller, Jason Bourne gets so drunk that he once again forgets who he is! The rest of the movie is comprised of Bourne stumbling around with a gun puking on people while trying to find the keys to some girl's car (he has to destroy at least 1 car per movie, there's a quota). At the climax of the movie, he starts sobering up and coming to a realization of who he is, but is so horrified when he remembers how he acted while drunk that he figures the only way to erase what he did is to start drinking again until he forgets it all. Stay tuned for The Bourne Inebriation.