STD of the Year

It's October, and you know what that means: The STD Awards are coming soon (watch them on MTV!). Which STD will win "STD of the Year"? Which STD will go home with the coveted "Best New STD of 2007" trophy? The excitement in the air this time of year is nothing short of magical, some describing as "electrifying!" or "a slight burning sensation". Can you feel it?

I am personally hoping that Björk will show up wearing her famous condom-dress again. And there are rumors that the Awards will be hosted by Britney Spears, which should make for some awkwardness if she's actually nominated for anything (who knows, right?).

I have spoken with some top STD analysts in order to get some insight into this years winners, including leading Social Disease Columnist Mr. Finnegan, who indicated, "Gonorrhea has been coming on really strong this year. And from my own personal research, Gonorrhea's popularity among today's youth has hit a fever pitch. Hell, I can hardly go anywhere these days without catching [wind of] it."

Also, in discussions with Professor of Venereal Diseases Dr. Borghoffr from Ontario's McBates University, I was informed, "I can't really give any clues, for fear of possibly being inaccurate and for fear of possibly affecting the results. I can tell you with some certainty, however, that AIDS is definitely on its way out, and its reputation as one of the more popular diseases has drastically decreased of late."

At any rate, it should be an interesting year for STDs.

I'd Rather Know

Do you ever have those times where you learned something that you think you were perhaps better off not knowing?

For example, let's say you knew about a tremendous calamity before it occurred. Such as, say, the exact date and time a meteorite will strike Earth and wipe out all life on it. Well, not all life, but all life excluding some micro-bacterial life living in rocks at least a kilometer down in the Earth's crust. At any rate, it's probably safe to say nobody will be making it to your birthday party (which, by the way, is canceled due to inclement weather. And magma. Lots of magma).

Anyway where was I? Oh, yes. So the question is; assuming you could do nothing to prevent it, and that you would not be able to ignore the information, would you want to know about it or not?

Now let's say it's not something that's so black-and-white. For example, let's say somebody close to you has a secret that you probably don't want to know, but maybe should know because it might help you or that friend in some way. Vague enough for you? It might be something as simple as the person smoking but not telling anybody except you, or it might be something far more important and intensely personal than that. At any rate, where do you draw the line between wanting to know and not wanting to know?

Next time you're on the toilet, think about it. --But not now. No. Right now there's more pressing matters for you to think about.