STD of the Year

It's October, and you know what that means: The STD Awards are coming soon (watch them on MTV!). Which STD will win "STD of the Year"? Which STD will go home with the coveted "Best New STD of 2007" trophy? The excitement in the air this time of year is nothing short of magical, some describing as "electrifying!" or "a slight burning sensation". Can you feel it?

I am personally hoping that Björk will show up wearing her famous condom-dress again. And there are rumors that the Awards will be hosted by Britney Spears, which should make for some awkwardness if she's actually nominated for anything (who knows, right?).

I have spoken with some top STD analysts in order to get some insight into this years winners, including leading Social Disease Columnist Mr. Finnegan, who indicated, "Gonorrhea has been coming on really strong this year. And from my own personal research, Gonorrhea's popularity among today's youth has hit a fever pitch. Hell, I can hardly go anywhere these days without catching [wind of] it."

Also, in discussions with Professor of Venereal Diseases Dr. Borghoffr from Ontario's McBates University, I was informed, "I can't really give any clues, for fear of possibly being inaccurate and for fear of possibly affecting the results. I can tell you with some certainty, however, that AIDS is definitely on its way out, and its reputation as one of the more popular diseases has drastically decreased of late."

At any rate, it should be an interesting year for STDs.