A new phase of oatmeal matter

[Toronto] Researchers have discovered a new form of oatmeal matter. This find could help yield all kinds of benefits to humanity, including furthering research into diseases, aiding the migration of humpback whales around shipping lanes, and creating a sustainable future through the re-use of paper-clips. Here's a summary on the phases of oatmeal, including information on the new phase found recently:

Dry Powdery Form

This is often called the "first form" of oatmeal. When you buy it from the store in its packaging, this is the form it is in. It is a solid, and yet it behaves like a liquid in that it takes the shape of its container. It also has limited ability to be compressed, thus has no defined volume.

Wet Oatmealy Form

When you add water to your oatmeal and heat it up, it changes into its second form. This is the tastiest of all the forms.

Solid Form

If you leave your oatmeal too long, it turns into a crystalline solid that is almost as hard as diamonds. Your dishwasher uses special solvents to break down the molecular bonds in order to remove solid-form oatmeal from dishes, yet sometimes this is not enough and flame-throwers must be employed to make your dishes sparkley-clean.

Plasma Form (new!)

Plasma, an entirely new form of oatmeal matter, was created in a laboratory through the following procedure: heat standing water up to near boiling point, add oatmeal to it and stir carefully. This seemingly simple procedure caused the oatmealocules to enter into a previously unobserved phase, which closely resembles the wet-oatmealy form, yet has the odd physical property of "not tasting the same". Scientific investigations are currently underway to unlock the mysteries of this new form of oatmeal. Skeptics have been reported as saying, "It still takes like [censored] to me." Yet all agree, this new phase of oatmeal may be the most important discovery of the past century.