Helper Monkeys Disappearing

This has got to be a problem. Some people out there are stealing helper monkeys from those who need them. I have no doubt that the question plaguing the police assigned to the case right now is; why?

If you were to ask me, I'd think the answer was obvious. Given the Infinite Monkey Theorem, that after enough time, enough monkeys at typewriters will eventually compose a great work of literature (such as duplicating the complete works of William Shakespeare), the case of the disappearing helper monkeys seems a trivial one to solve.

Think about it; if a thousand monkeys at a thousand typewriters will eventually compose a great work, then maybe a dozen or so really smart monkeys at maybe 2-to-3 typewriters apiece will write something decent in a fraction of the time. Thus, all the detectives have to do to solve these heinous crimes is to hang around typewriter dealers. After all, we all know that a thousand monkeys at a thousand computer consoles will produce nothing. They'd waste their time surfing for monkey porn on the internet and playing networked first-monkey-shooter games, essentially turning into stereotypical college students. But at typewriters they'd be more productive than any college students ever! Not only would they have no distractions, but they could use more than one typewriter at a time since their feet are like little hands.

Also, the people in charge of the monkeys don't have to wait for a perfect work of literature to emerge, they only need something reasonably good in order to make a profit. In fact, if they were willing to put up with a lot of fixable typos, some side-plots that could be easily eliminated, and were willing to augment the writing themselves with a bit of fairly intelligent human typing, then they could further cut down the production time by many orders of magnitude.

Such a strategy could have a huge payoff. With all these changes to the equation, the seemingly inconceivable "Infinite Monkey Theorem" could give rise the very real "Monthly Monkey Scriptorium", generating millions of dollars in revenue for the human overlords. Heck, it may be common practice today and we don't even know about it, which would help to explain things like the script for "Ghostrider". Such a diabolical yet ingenious idea is far more likely to enrich its inventors than stealing dalmatian puppies for their coats.

With more monkeys going missing by the day, these people have got to be stopped quickly. As there are few places to purchase typewriters these days, the investigating cops would only have to stake out the places left in order to catch the thieves. I'm sure that within a few days the number of monkeys stolen will outnumber the number of available typewriters and the thieves' thirst for fresh typewriters will be unbearable. Little would they know that the trap would be set. Problem solved.

Sherlock Holmes eat your heart out.