Quick With The Ziplock!

Today I was trying to close a ziplock bag with one hand while holding the bag in that hand. On 1-to-10 the scale of "difficult things I've had to do in my life" it would rate about 1.072. To put that into perspective, it lies somewhere above doing the hokey-pokey and below catching a frightened snake with bare hands. It was somewhat difficult, and I wasn't too quick about it. But that was okay, because I had all the time I needed to complete the task. Besides, it's not as if the world's fate rested upon the speed with which I could close the bag, right?

Well, I have it on good authority that on August 4th, 2038 at 11:09 AM EST (or thereabouts) the world's fate will rest upon that exact task being completed quickly. For if it is to take too long, a huge asteroid will collide with Earth and wipe out virtually all life. [I say "virtually" because all that would survive would be a few colonies of bacteria that live within rocks deep underground.] You see, at that time there will be some person in a spacecraft in orbit above the earth (I'm not making this up) and he or she will be using one arm to hold onto a bar that will keep the person near necessary controls while the other is frantically trying to seal a ziplock bag without losing grip of the bag. The bag will contain a liquid that, if too much of it leaks out and comes in contact with the controls, will short them out in true Hollywood fashion causing the onboard asteroid-destroying weaponry to instantly become as accurate as Dick Cheney's mallard aiming capabilities (in other words, "goodbye planet"). Thus, the entire planet's fate will rest upon closing that bag quickly and with one hand.

The thing is, I don't have it on any authority exactly who the person is that will have to close that ziplock bag. It could be me. In that case, I had better be prepared, right? And what better way to prepare than to practice? Granted I wasn't actually practicing when I tried to close the bag, but it can still be considered practice. Kinda like how playing with dolls can be considered practice for motherhood (unless you are a guy), but more directly so.

You should give it a try; it could be you that saves or destroys us all based solely on how quickly you can seal a ziplock bag with one hand while holding the bag with that hand.